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Driving Bullets by ~Sheltari:iconSheltari:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Urban > Open


Car slips by,
Bullets rain out.
Flashes of light,
So many to die.
Blood trickles down,
From piercing holes,
In chest, arms, legs,
Lifeblood soaks the ground.
Sounds of death,
Join with fading screams.
The people lay dead,
None drawing breath...
©2007-2008 ~Sheltari
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Submitted: August 11, 2007
File Size: 403 bytes
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Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 22
Favourites & Collections: 10 [who?]

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Author's Comments

Well...um...as I said, making up for all that love poetry ^^;
I was inspired by BrandNewWorld's [link] writing of bullets, so I figured I'd give it a try...
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*doorfromheaven:icondoorfromheaven: Aug 11, 2007, 5:51:55 PM
-sniffles-


-pouts-


it's sad....-nods-

good, but sad...

--
| falling in love is like getting a preview of heaven |

i know how it feels
when love goes away.
:heart:
tread softly.
~Sheltari:iconSheltari: Aug 11, 2007, 5:59:47 PM
Umm...thnx, I guess? lol
My lil' bro and his friend FREAKED when they read it XD

--
Symphonies of silhouettes,
Dancing in my head.
Bringing not peace,
But a broken heart instead.
*doorfromheaven:icondoorfromheaven: Aug 11, 2007, 6:02:44 PM
sure. Be happy. lol

Yeah well it is kinda freaky...and scary..-sniffles-

--
| falling in love is like getting a preview of heaven |

i know how it feels
when love goes away.
:heart:
tread softly.
~altergrl1811:iconaltergrl1811: Aug 11, 2007, 6:06:24 PM
its good... i like how u positioned words in this poem compared to the last 1 u wrote...not as much rhyming (cant spell) makes the more depressing poem more interesting... it reminds me of all the wars mostly because my uncle is in the war right now but thats another story.

--
A room without books is like a body without a soul-G.K. Chesterton

The cheerleader
~Sheltari:iconSheltari: Aug 11, 2007, 6:12:05 PM
Thank you. And I hope your uncle will be alright :)

--
Symphonies of silhouettes,
Dancing in my head.
Bringing not peace,
But a broken heart instead.
~altergrl1811:iconaltergrl1811: Aug 11, 2007, 6:19:57 PM
i hope so to cuz he has a 1 year old and a wife to return to

--
A room without books is like a body without a soul-G.K. Chesterton

The cheerleader
~Sheltari:iconSheltari: Aug 11, 2007, 6:40:05 PM
Aww...I'm so sorry...

--
Symphonies of silhouettes,
Dancing in my head.
Bringing not peace,
But a broken heart instead.
=ghbatt:iconghbatt: Aug 12, 2007, 2:57:23 PM
The piece is good, and like above said, the rhyme...or lack thereof really was smart, as it took away the "beauty" of the piece. I enjoyed the imagery, but I would caution the line "And even from one's crown." as it does add a prominent rhyme, and it really adds little else. To me it seems out of place; and much weaker than the rest of the piece.

Bravo!
-gh
~Sheltari:iconSheltari: Aug 12, 2007, 8:36:21 PM
I tried to use a lower style ryming pattern of abca (repeat) to loosen it up...and yeah, I felt bad about that part of "And even from one's crown." but I try not to break a rhyming pattern once I set it...I'll think of something...maybe "In blood the living drown." ?

--
Symphonies of silhouettes,
Dancing in my head.
Bringing not peace,
But a broken heart instead.
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